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Archive for June, 2010

According to the Natl Coalition on Domestic Violence, did you know that…

  • 25% of ALL women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime 
  • 1.3 million women will be victims of physical assault by an intimate partner this year 

And specifically amongst Sisters, did you know that 7% of Black Women reported being stalked, over 18% reported a past rape and 52% have been physically assaulted???

Or that though we’re only 8% of the US population, in 2005 we accounted for 22% of ALL intimate partner homicide. (http://www.idvaac.org/press/factsheet.html)

 In other words, for every other Sister you know, love, or can’t stand..there’s a strong possibility that she’s currently in or has already experienced domestic violence.

Here’s what got me thinking ’bout this. There I was eating shrimp with a beautiful, single mother – educated and together –  and she drops this tale of severe marital abuse with black eyes, ugly words and all. Then there’s another friend who can pray u outta hell but who clued me in on the early days of violence and hell in her marriage. Both are dandy now – whole, healed, and delivered.  And NOBODY can look at either women and tell where they’ve been. 

But here’s the catch…most folk didn’t know while they were in it!  One got ‘pastoral’ advice to have more sex. The other didn’t know where to turn.  So…how many other Sisters are just like that??  Or maybe its even you

Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, sexual, economical, or verbal. What it looks like: http://www.michigan.gov/msp/0,1607,7-123-1589_1711_4577—,00.html

Why me?: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

How to help a friend (when she can’t just ‘walk away): http://www.tinatessina.com/interventions.html

How to help yourself: http://www.umd.umich.edu/108301/

And finally….an awesome clip from Bishop TD Jakes on what one woman did to get free (‘A Satisfied Woman’): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAeFlrKa6CU

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Can I just be real ya’ll?? It’s time to let Black Superwoman go. Let the chick die a quick death.  I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of pretending that (pick one: I’ve got it together, I know what I’m doing, I enjoy being all things to all people, I feel really really cute etc). Cuz (sigh) I don’t and I’m not. How about you?

Don’t get me wrong, some days, you can’t tell this Sister NOTHING. When the do is done, I’m a bad mamajama and I know it!! Thank. You.Very. Much.  But lately, Holy Ghost has been doing this thing in me….keeps confronting me…with this insecurity in me.

I saw a lady minister on tv and remember thinking to myself, “Oooohhh, her voice is annoying. I’m not listening to her”.  Haha, well isn’t God funny. A few days later, I walked past a book at Borders that stopped me cold…”So Long Insecurity, You’ve been a Bad Friend to Us”. You know it was the same lady, right? Mrs Beth Moore.  The first few pgs, tripped me out.  Tried hard not to boo hoo, but it was time. It was past time to deal with this.  I read and cried and wiped snot for an entire weekend, realizing the root of so much pain. Yeah, I’m free from bulimia, severe depression, and my suicide back-up plan, but security?? self confidence?? Been pretty elusive.

Like some of you, I’ve heard folks teach plenty of times about ‘seeing you the way God does, having a godly self-image, love yourself, embrace thy beauty,blah blah’.  But there’s something about God’s timing and allowing Holy Ghost to really be Counselor and your Guide outta pain (John 16:7,13). I didn’t go to Borders looking for healing and I won’t front like I’m ‘there’ (Not!!).  But at least I know now what I’m facing.  This is bigger than low self esteem and a negative self image. We’re talking about NEVER feeling good enuf, smart enuf, pretty enuf, or enuf of whatever I’m ‘sposed to be. 

Can’t say that I’m reeking with great faith yet. But I do know that whenever God starts a work, He promised to finish it (Phil 1:6).

What about you? Where are you in your journey?

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